Me, Myself, and I: Hellspawn

    I: Am I seeing things?

    Myself: I don't know. How long have you had demonic hellspawn for a pet?

    I: I wasn't aware that I had one, actually. Do these things.. Do they have names?

    Myself: What do I look like, an exorcist?

    I: Well, no. But I assumed that somewhere in my vast assortment of useless knowledge, I would've learned that somewhere.

    Me: You did. But, to be honest, I can't pronounce the damn thing.

    I: Oh... Well, how do I get rid of it?

    Me: You don't. You're cursed to have it follow you around where ever you go. Though,  normally it's not quite so....

    Myself: Visible?

    Me: Yeah. I'm sure it'll go away, though.

    Myself: So, to answer your question, no. You're not seeing things.

    I: That doesn't help at all.

    Myself: Asshole...

    Me: Why aren't you sleeping? It's three in the morning.

    I: Why would you ask? You know the answer.

    Me: It's only polite to ask.

    Myself: Dumbass...

    I: Watch it. I can't sleep. It's as simple as that.

    Me: I know, no need to get snappy.

    Myself: No need to ask the question in the first place. Bitch.

    I: Hey, knock it off, you two. I've got enough to worry about, what with this hellspawn gnawing on my leg.

    Me: Is he really? I say, he must be hungry.

    Myself: Your mom was hungry.

    Me: Eww... She's our mom too, idiot.

    I: Yeah, thanks for that image.

    Myself: Thought you might enjoy that. While I'm at it, The Game.

    I: ... I hate you.

    Myself: I'm you.

    I: I know.

    Me: Oh, shut up both of you.

    Myself: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy...

    Me: We've got plenty of work to do.

    I: Yeah, but not the motivation to do it.

    Myself: That's your problem.

    I: Hey! Who got us through senior year?

    Me & Myself: Charlie.

    I: True... But I helped!

    Myself: I'm sure you did.

    Me: Oh, shut it. We're getting even less done with all this bickering.

    I: Were we getting things done before?

    Me: No... But I think we were damn close to figuring out this hellspawn issue.

    I: Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting about that.

    Myself: Hey, I saw a trick in a movie once. Maybe it'll work!

    I: Oh, lord...

    Me: You're going to kill us all doing things like that. Hold on while I search the database for exorcism techniques...

    Myself: The trick will work...

    Me: Shut up. Oh, look! You know how to preform a basic exorcism!

    I: Where the hell did I pick that up?

    Me: Brazil, apparently. Through, I'm not sure when we went to Brazil.

    Myself: The movie trick will work!

    I & Me: Shut it!

    Myself: Your mom shut it...

    I: Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?

    Myself: Wait, what did you just say?

    Me: Oh, Christ! You gave it an erection!

    I: Ah, damn it...

    Hellspawn: Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.

    I: Was that... was that a pick up line?

    Myself: Oh, God. Kill it!

    I: With what?!

    Me: Let me try something...

    Myself: Oh, no...

    Me: Exegi monumentum aere perennius!

    I: Damn it, you made it worse!

    Myself: Gnarly...

    Me: Okay, okay. I can stop this. Just give me a second!

    I: No! I gave you a second! Hell, I gave you three! Now it's my turn.

    Myself: No way, buddy. You're the one that started this. It's my turn!

    I & Me: No!

    Myself: Engorgio!

    Me: Oh dear God, that's foul.

    I: I didn't think it could get any bigger...

    Myself: Damn it, wrong spell! Expulso!



The Hellspawn explodes, showing Me, Myself, and I with gore and God knows what else.

    Me: ... Well... you blew it up.

    Myself: Haha! Now that is how you kill a hellspawn!

    I: I hate me.